Richard Turen
Although I have been extremely lucky in terms of the growth of my company, there is one area of travel where I have failed miserably: my inability to generate revenue for Air Koryo, the national carrier of North Korea. There are reasons to know this airline as it occupies the bottom position on travel site Skytrax's list of the world's airlines.
I suppose there isn't a great deal of merit in booking with the world's worst airline. But there is a customer out there who will no doubt long for the good old days when they discover that Air Koryo is going to be the subject of revolutionary change, according to North Korea's supreme leader, Kim Jong-un.
Look for new aircraft, new amenities (perhaps toilet paper in the restroom would be a nice touch), smart new uniforms for the flight attendants and, perhaps most intriguing, a new in-flight entertainment system. Hint to Kim: You might want to contract that one out.
The purpose of this ugliest of airline ugly ducks' makeover is the desire of the Hermit Kingdom to increase tourism by 2 million visitors in the next four years. That would be 2,000% growth.
According to a Bloomberg News article, things are already starting to pick up. Tourists are beginning to realize that the coming months might provide their last remaining opportunity to fly the world's only one-star airline.
If you act quickly, you will be able to see one-star entertainment in the form of drop-down screens that often work properly, featuring a few tunes by the Moranbong Band, Kim's favorite all-girl group who specialize in patriotic, North Korean songs. The entire plane often joins in the singing, which is practical since the "music" is played at a painfully high decibel level, and there is no way to turn it down. But trust me, drowning out the sound of an Air Koryo aircraft engine is not necessarily a bad thing.
The airline could use some new planes. It recently purchased two Russian Tupolev 204s for its international routes. But in- country flying is still the most fun, offering travelers the chance to go over some of the picturesque countryside in the Myohyangsan region in the only remaining Ilyushin IL-18 jet still in service.
But true fans of the airline, and there actually are some, know what the most photographed thing on their trip will be: The Air Koryo hamburger is the stuff of legends, although no one is exactly sure what kind of stuff is in the patty. If the burger disappears, you will know that an aviation era has ended.
World's most dangerous destinations
All of us try valiantly to keep updated on travel destinations we might counsel our clients to avoid. As England's Daily Mail reports, we should be grateful to their online site, which filed a Freedom of Information request with the British Foreign Office to obtain data identifying the worst murder spots for British travelers during the past four years. More than 250 British citizens have been murdered during their travels abroad. (Large-scale terrorist actions are not included. These are individual murders.)
I was curious to see where British tourists faced the most danger. Pakistan led the list with 37 murders. OK, that makes sense on some level. I book hotels in Pakistan about as often as I book Air Koryo flights. There were 10 killed in Ukraine, 11 in South Africa and five each in Brazil and Egypt.
The "honor" of being ranked No. 2 goes to Jamaica, with 18, and the U.S., with 15 murders of British tourists, is third. (Tunisia had 34 tourists killed, but most were due to terrorist acts).
When you look at the seemingly random, nonterrorist risk of being murdered while sightseeing in a tourist-friendly locale, it seems that Jamaica and the U.S. jump up to No. 1 and No. 2, respectively.
So do I tell my clients that taking a vacation within the U.S. is considerably more risky than traveling to virtually any other part of the world that is not an active war zone? Actually, I already do.
Women heading for Thailand
Flights to Thailand from major gateways in China and Australia are increasingly full. Thailand is a beautiful and fascinating country, but for a growing number of female travelers the attraction of Thailand has less to do with its scenery and frantic nightlife than with its well-regarded and affordable medical tourism options.
Analyst Bill Barnett reported in C9 Hotelworks that 70% of all of the cosmetic surgery clients arriving in Phuket are from Australia. The vast majority of these travelers have come for breast augmentation.
They are booking all-inclusive packages that include treatment, transportation and hotel accommodations, at an average price of about $4,500 per person.
The Chinese tourism flowing into Thailand has more to do with longevity than enhancement. Chinese travel agencies bring groups into Thailand for the purpose of purchasing exotic anti-aging treatments and skin products. Thai doctors and clinics have an enviable reputation among affluent Chinese women when it comes to facial procedures that make the patient look younger.
Medical tourism is not new, but it is instructional to see how travel firms in Australia and China have been able to find substantial niche business in two distinct medical areas.
My personal vision is the development of travel programs that will send my clients to clinics in Canada and New Zealand that will specialize in teaching some of us to become nicer, kinder citizens.
Thoughts about upgrades and coffee
One of my favorite industry bloggers, Gary Leff of www.viewfromthewing.com, pulled a nugget from a recent interview with incoming Delta Airlines President Glen Hauenstein.
"We want people to be able to use those [award] miles not to fly for free but to control their experience," Hauenstein said.
Leff, who is extremely knowledgeable about these matters, sees this as a true revelation, intended to reassure investors.
Delta -- with others to follow, we can predict -- is expecting "to sell buy-ups for 70% of their first-class cabins." (Add business class in two-class aircraft). This will, for all intents and purposes, spell the disappearance of mileage upgrades as we now know them.
This plan to monetize previously earned upgrade points sounds really good to Wall Street, and I've been hearing about these changes for months.
There is now ample evidence that frequent-flyer mileage programs will soon disappear in their current, fee-laden form. The upsell mentality is now too strong at the nation's largest carriers to change direction.
We ought to consider strong suggestions to our clients that they use their current miles as soon as possible.
The likely scenario to maximize airline profits seems to be to offer lower unbundled economy fares in competitive markets while including as many elite seats as possible as extra-charge purchase options, along with a ham sandwich and a cup of coffee made with water that has not been safely boiled.
That, by the way, is another flying unmentionable. Do we really think flight attendants are boiling bottled water to make coffee midflight? It is not bottled water or properly boiled tap water. For the most part, it is storage tank water. No one knows how many gastrointestinal illnesses are caused by coffee or tea served improperly in the skies.
I will write about this subject in greater detail when they start charging for coffee and I get really upset about it.
In the meantime, if someone you love is flying tomorrow, have them avoid any hot drinks made with aircraft-tank water. They won't thank you, but you will be doing them a favor.